COOL INSULTS PART 2

REFRESHMENTS: 1. He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome. 2. He is known as a miracle comic. if he's funny, it's a miracle! 3. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that's very typical of you. 4. He is living proof that man can live without a brain! 5. He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know. 6. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot. 7. How come you're here? I thought the zoo is closed at night! 8. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open? 9. How much refund do you expect on your head now that it's empty. 10. How would you like to feel the way you look? 11. Hi! I'm a human being! What are you? 12. I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in the next 10 years? 13. I don't want you to turn the other cheek; it's just as ugly. 14. I don't know who you are, but whatever you are, I'm sure everyone will agree with me. 15. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works. 16. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit? 17. I can't seem to remember your name, and please don't help me! 18. I don't even like the people you're trying to imitate, if you are at all. 19. I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse? 20. I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!

DEATH

A hardworking female executive dies and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates and he says, "You've shown an outstanding aptitude for making business decisions. Choose whether you will go to heaven or to hell." "I don't know!" she flounders. "Tell you what," St. Peter says, "You can have 24 hours in heaven and 24 hours in hell. Then you have to decide where to spend eternity." "Okay then," she says. "I'll start with heaven since I'm here already." She goes in the pearly gates and makes some acquaintances. They have a nice walk among beautiful gardens. They have a nice quiet lunch. They have a nice stroll along a pristine, white, sandy beach looking out on brilliant blue ocean. At the end of the day she is shown to a nice room, and has a quiet meal on the balcony, looking out over the setting sun and the ocean. She marvels at the scenic beauty of heaven. The next morning, St. Peter takes her to the fiery gates of hell and hands her off to Satan. Satan takes her to a power breakfast given in her honor. Then she is escorted to a tennis club where she is greeted by her old boss, some co-workers, and previous business acquaintances. She plays a few sets of tennis and catches up on the gossip. At lunchtime her old boss takes her to a gourmet restaurant and she has an excellent meal with vintage wine. After lunch he takes her to an exclusive golf course and they play 18 holes of golf. She runs into other business acquaintances and catches up on news and gossip. After golf, he drops her at a spa where she is pampered and spoiled by beauty and body treatments. When she is finished at the spa, an acquaintance takes her shopping at designer stores. She picks out a fabulous evening gown, and Satan himself takes her to a huge party with drinking, dancing, gourmet food, and famous people. At the end of the evening, a stretch limo drops her off at a five-star hotel. As she soaks in the Jacuzzi tub, and sips the complimentary champagne, she ponders eternity. The next morning, she meets St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Well, have you made your decision?" He asks. "I've decided on hell," she announces. "So be it." St Peter waves goodbye and she reappears before the fiery gates of hell. Once inside she is teamed up with her old boss again, only this time everyone is wearing rags. They are filthy, diseased, malnourished, and living in a barren desert. They have to scrounge for food, water, clothing, even shade. "What happened!" She exclaimed. "Well," said her boss, "Yesterday you were a recruit. Today you are staff."

DO MEN REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES...?

REFRESHMENTS: A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. 'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?' The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive. 'Yes, I do' she replies. The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?' 'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?' 'I remember that too' she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... 'I would have been released today.'

GRE WORDS 593-594

TO BOOKMARK THIS SITE : PRESS CTRL+D GET THE GRE PICTURE DICTIONARY (PICTIONARY) IN YOUR MAILBOX

 SMELT:
  ■ verb
Melt or fuse ore to extract the metal content . ■ noun
Small silvery edible fish native of cold northern waters (in Europe and North America) eg.The furnaceman smelts tin with copper to create a special alloy.

  Also visit Killthegre.blogspot.com for latest verbal threads

VINTNER:
  ■ noun
One who sells wines; One who makes wine . eg.The poet wondered what the vintners could buy that would be half as precious as the wine they sold.

GRE WORDS 591-592

TO BOOKMARK THIS SITE : PRESS CTRL+D GET THE GRE PICTURE DICTIONARY (PICTIONARY) IN YOUR MAILBOX

TIARA: 

  ■ noun 

A jewelled headdress worn by women on formal occasions;Crown, Coronet . 

  eg.She wore a beautiful tiara adorned with 7 diamonds. 

  Also visit Killthegre.blogspot.com for latest verbal threads

TOME:

■ noun
 1. One of the books in a work of several volumes.
2. A book, especially a large or scholarly one. eg.Let every bookworm, when in any fragrant, scarce, old tome he discovers a sentence, a story, an illustration, that does his heart good, hasten to give it.

contributed by SUNIL KUMAR

GRE WORDS 589-590

TO BOOKMARK THIS SITE : PRESS CTRL+D GET THE GRE PICTURE DICTIONARY (PICTIONARY) 



SCOURGE:
■ noun
Whip, lash; suffering, calamity, affliction. eg.Bad temper is its own scourge.

















  Also visit Killthegre.blogspot.com for latest verbal threads

SEPULCHER:
 ■ noun
A chamber that is used as a grave.Tomb, burial vault, grave . eg. No useless sepulcher I crave: nature gives all her sons a grave.

GRE WORDS 587-588

TO BOOKMARK THIS SITE : PRESS CTRL+D GET THE GRE PICTURE DICTIONARY (PICTIONARY) IN YOUR MAILBOX

SCALE: 

  ■ verb 

Climb; ascend; weigh; do according to a particular ratio; remove flakes or scales; become covered in limescale; change the size of something. eg.The troops scaled the walls of the fort. 

UNGUENT:
  ■ noun
Balm, ointment ;Semisolid preparation (usually containing a medicine) applied externally as a remedy or for soothing an irritation.
eg.To the south of, and between the two ceramic vessels, was a complete glass unguent bottle.

GRE WORDS 585-586

TO BOOKMARK THIS SITE : PRESS CTRL+D GET THE GRE PICTURE DICTIONARY (PICTIONARY) IN YOUR MAILBOX

Click above to get SCHISM: ■ noun Division into two factions, separation into opposing parties,splitting. eg.Another schism like that and they will wind up in bankruptcy.

Also visit Killthegre.blogspot.com for latest verbal threads

SEETHE: ■ verb 1. Rage, be in a state of extreme excitement or anger ; 2. Cook by boiling; bubble or foam as if boiling. eg.The customer was seething with anger.

GRE WORDS 583-584

TO BOOKMARK THIS SITE : PRESS CTRL+D GET THE GRE PICTURE DICTIONARY (PICTIONARY) IN YOUR MAILBOX

SCOFF: ■ verb Scorn, mock, deride, ridicule;Treat with contemptuous disregard;Eat very quickly and greedily. eg. Truth from his lips prevail'd with double sway, And fools who came to scoff, remain'd to pray. 

URSINE: ■ adj. bearlike; of bears eg.Kolas are often referred to as ursine creatures due to their appearance, but they are not .

GRE WORDS 581-582

TO BOOKMARK THIS SITE : PRESS CTRL+D GET THE GRE PICTURE DICTIONARY (PICTIONARY) IN YOUR MAILBOX

Click above to get TOUT: ■ verb Advertize in strongly positive terms,praise, highly recommend; scout race horses during training and to gain information that will aid in betting . ■ noun 1. One who aggressively solicits business. 2. Ticket scalper, one who sells tickets for a price higher than face value. (British) eg.This product was touted as a revolutionary invention. Also visit Killthegre.blogspot.com for latest verbal threads

POUT: ■ verb Stick out one's lower lip; make an unhappy facial expression; act sullen or displeased . ■ noun

1. Type of fish that lives in colder northern waters.

2. Protrusion of the lower lip; acting sullen or displeased; making an unhappy facial expression . eg.She is pouting because she didn't get what she wanted.